Russia is still catholic (Flatbush)

"Good afternoon, racing fans, and welcome to the United national race track for the third annual dwarf racing competition! The horses are at the gate, the field is set, and the stands are seated. And they're off! Breaking alertly out in front is great mother Britain. She produced a beautiful 75 lb dwarf that’s gracefully straddling “pumper” a white stallion that has been dyed pink! America has the early speed, heading to the front with a criminal minded dwarf “poker” that’s plowing his way toward the front with a blood aggressive attitude. Pokers family in Britain is sick because they made too many plows but poker determined to lead pumper across the finish line. With poker is showing pumper the way, China came up next to poker on the rail. In the back of the pack, China is getting off to a slow start. From the looks of it their dwarf “funny” took a chance on a rut to pass and their horse “money” busted its left knee in the front. As they run down the backstretch, it's Russia by a length. It looks like their dwarf “Johnny” is coming up hard on the America jockey “poker”. Johnny the Russian jockey was off to a slow start but he went right by funny and even pumper couldn’t keep up. here comes a challenge on the outside from Venezuela! “burnt biscuit” is being ridden today by prince Ferdinand. The horses begin to bunch up as they approach the first turn on the third lap. Holding the lead is poker, with Johnny right on his flank. Running neck-and-neck they turn for home! It's a three-way battle at the top of the stretch. With a furlong to go funny pulls ahead on three legs and finds another gear to pull ahead! Its down to the wire, it's Johnny out in front. What on earth is going on? Johnny pulled off the race course entirely and it seems like he’s no longer interested in racing at all. He’s going for the water pail. He must be parched. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Johnnys horse has its head submerged in a bucket and it’s not coming up for air. It looks like poker is going to win but funny is right there with him! It's too close to call! With a powerful drive from the outside, funny is gaining with every stride! And it's poker for the victory! What a performance!After a furious final charge and further review.. the position of first place has been awarded to Johnny by a nose!" A valiant effort by poker and even funny were made but the winner is clearly Johnny. It’s a photo finish! As johnny completed washing his main, poker blasted through the red tape with funny right by his side. It was a hard ride for all the jockeys but poker got the worst of it. Funny was only on three legs when he crossed the finish line. He went down hard next to poker and took out his back legs. Poker looks like he’ll be suffering from broke back legs and funny busted his right knee out in front too. Neither pony will be able to compete again and burnt biscuit is working the field now. Congratulations Johnny! The winner of today’s prize. A brand new racing trailer full of automatic kiosks ready for installation. Now his daughter can keep going to church or adopt a litter of female American staffordshire terriers