Seeking Synth/Noise/Loops/etc

Gen X bass & drums getting started on slow heavy music that has nothing to do with jazz. Trying to make a power trio, still need something for that upper register. Guitars haven't been a fit & nobody responded to the xylophone/glockenspiel ads. Rehearsal room is in NE Portland, at the intersection of burnt spoon & discarded syringe. (Not ours.) Respondents, please share a sentence or two detailing how doom metal sucks, and/or hatefully summarizing your least favorite Mike Patton project.