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May 2, 2025 — A car that needs a calendar to time 0-60 is hard to imagine today, but that was reality for diesel economy cars of the 1980s. The Autopian's latest Comments of the Day pits a 1984 Ford Escort Diesel against a 1987 Ford Tempo AWD. The comments turned a pair of forgettable Fords into a reason to revisit slow-car culture.
The Escort Diesel became a running joke for one simple reason: it was genuinely, painfully slow. Under the hood sat a Mazda-derived 2.0-liter diesel four with roughly 52 horsepower and torque in the low 80s lb-ft. Period road tests usually put its 0-60 mph time somewhere in the 19-second range, which is enough time to change lanes, adjust the radio, and maybe plan your next day. By contrast, the slowest new cars sold in America today finish the same sprint in about half that time. That is why the calendar line still lands.
Mark did not ask readers which car they would buy. He asked which one they would choose. The comments were merciless.
Josh O put it best: the Escort had been trying to reach 60 mph since 1984. Redneck Mark reacted as if Mark had gone outside and kicked a puppy after writing such a hateful pair of choices. 4jim owned an Escort in the Eighties and said never again. Alpscarver figured the Escort was built for nothing more than short-term rental duty. Argentine Utop, meanwhile, was more impressed with the setup itself: making people vote for an automatic Tempo over a manual Escort was an impressive feat.
Then came the unhinged counterpick. One commenter, Grey alien in a beige sedan, wanted the Escort. The appeal was the manual transmission and the chance to row through the gears, wringing out every one of the 54 horsepower on tap. They also wanted the strange joy of highway merging in a car too underpowered to get out of its own way. The follow-up about rolling coal on F-150 gas models was a lot, but it was also the kind of unapologetic weirdness that makes these roundups worth reading.
The Tempo was not heroic either. Its best quality was all-wheel drive, which made it a little more useful in bad weather. But nobody rushed to defend it. It was simply the less awful way to get through a commute, assuming you did not care about feel, sound, or fuel economy.
The 0-60 mph benchmark has become the universal car stat, but it was not created for cars like the diesel Escort. In the Eighties, an economy car diesel was about efficiency, not acceleration. Drivers understood that passing a truck on a two-lane road was an act of planning and commitment. You did not press the accelerator and go; you picked a spot, built up speed gradually, and hoped the road stayed empty.
The joke about using a calendar is only slightly exaggerated. The Escort Diesel's real-world acceleration depended on weather, load, and whether the engine was fully warm. It was a car that required patience, and that patience became part of the driving experience. That is something most modern drivers, especially anyone raised on responsive EVs and quick crossovers, simply never have to think about.
Elsewhere in the roundup, Matt earned an honorary COTD mention through his own words. In an article about Ford Escort Mk1 RS and RS200 recreations, Matt admitted that his weakness for Escorts was so well documented that the only careers he is honestly qualified for are auto journalist or U.S. Congressman.
Reader Tbird caught the line and flagged it. It works because it is funny and true enough: a documented obsession with one specific car is exactly the kind of thing that translates into long reviews, overly detailed comparisons, and an ability to talk about an Escort for far longer than anyone asked.
Jason told readers about a new addiction to model trains. Rod Millington responded with genuinely useful advice: treat it as a hobby you and your spouse can share. Instead of spending $60 to $100 on dinner and drinks for a date night, spend that same money on trains. The framing turns a solo hobby into a relationship activity. It may not be the most exciting comment, but it is probably the healthiest one in the thread.
Peter passed along an endurance project where diecast cars are raced using a belt sander that has been running non-stop for about a month. Reader Goblin pointed out the real headline: a Harbor Freight belt sander can survive 29 days of continuous work and keep going. That is not exactly a factory test, but it is an honest durability check.
Peter added an edit note that the Harbor Freight image in the article was just an example, since he did not know the brand of sander actually running in Diecast Endurance. The unknown brand makes the point even better: generic belt sanders have somehow become motorsports equipment.
Finally, Jason shared another bizarre brochure, this one featuring a female serial killer. For the period, the inclusion was arguably progressive, though the imagery was not subtle. The still-bloody head and shoulders sat beside a hat box, prompting reader Pete in the woods to ask the only appropriate question: what is in the box? The reference to the film Seven landed, and no one provided an answer.
That mix of slow-car history, hobby advice, tool durability, and marketing oddity is exactly what a good Comments of the Day should look like. Have a great evening, and if you ever find yourself behind a diesel Escort on the highway, bring a book.
